Dear tesserae readers,

March 17, 2010, was the hardest day for me.  We had to put our dog, Bodie, to sleep.  It was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do.  The hours leading up to that fateful morning were heartbreaking.  In the end, it wasn’t just the pancreatitis that made us decide to put him down, but the grand mal seizures he started having throughout Tuesday night and into Wednesday morning.  There were at least 2 per hour. Even if he wanted to recover from the pancreatitis, the seizures weren’t going to allow it.  It was clearly time for him to go. 

It has been difficult these past few days and we are all grieving, especially me. I miss him more than anything.   I desperately wanted him to get better so I could have another good day with him.  My last hours with Bodie were like caring for someone in their final hours, he was dying and it wasn’t pretty.  As I stayed up with him throughout the night, a song popped into my head.  It came out of nowhere and it let me know it was time.  The song is “Asleep” by The Smiths.  The seizures were painful to watch, but we had to wait until the morning to take him to the Vet.  It was only right that we take him to the Vet who had cared for him.  I didn’t want a stranger putting him to sleep. 

All of  my memories of him are at our old house, which I miss tremendously.  After he broke his leg here at the new house back in October, he never was able to get around and enjoy being outside.   Most of his time here was spent recovering from his broken leg.  His leg healed up in January and he began to learn how to walk on what I called his gimp leg.  He was doing well, and finally back to his old self.  His only problem had been going up steps and walking around in the snow.  Then, he took ill a couple of weeks ago and he started going downhill.  Bodie just never had a chance to fully call this place his home.

If any of you are dog lovers (or not), and have been in my shoes (or have not), and can sympathize with me, I want to say “thanks”.  Just please don’t suggest that I get another dog.  I’ve had people already say that to me and I take it offensively.  It’s like telling a woman who has had a miscarriage that she can try again.  I don’t have any intentions to adopt another dog.  Bodie was the best dog I could ever have and I really don’t want to own another one after him. 

With that said, I’ll be away for a while.  I’m not sure how long, but I need to take a break.   I’m just very sad now and I don’t know how or when things will get easier for me. Thanks to everyone for reading my posts and commenting.  I’m really thankful I have a few readers who are interested in my humdrum life.   If you think about it, say a prayer for me. 




August 1996 – March 17, 2010 



Filed under animals, blogging, Christianity, life, pets, prayer, thoughts

12 responses to “Asleep

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can tell just looking at his picture that he must have been a sweet dog, his eyes give it away. I had to put down my dog a few years ago, it was incredibly hard and I was devastated. We grew up together, or at least it seemed like we did. I agree completely with your thoughts on getting another dog, I had many people say that to me. I’m a huge dog lover but, I have yet to adopt another one. I’m sure I will some day, when I’m ready but I’m just not there yet. Again, I’m so sorry.

  2. S. Le

    I’m so very sorry to hear of Bodie’s passing. Our pets are like wee furry family members. It’s so hard to see them go. My genuine sympathies to you.

  3. I will say a prayer for sweet Bodie. I’m so very sorry.

  4. Sharon Davis

    Tammy, I am so sorry that you had to put your dog to sleep. I’ve had alot of dogs and all but one died naturally or by accident. My favorite and the oldest family dog, Sassy, was the one that I had to put to sleep. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I cried so hard and I still cry for her. There really isn’t any replacement for Sassy, nor will there ever be for Bodie. Time will make the memories sweeter than the sorrow. There may come a time when you will have room in your heart for another dog. But you are right to wait. Trying to replace Bodie would be sad for the new dog and hollow for you. Hang in there lady, I am praying for you!


    • Just Me: Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a nice comment. Yes, Bodie was a very sweet dog. I’m sorry for your loss as well. If I wanted another dog, it would be a beagle and I would miss Bodie even more.

      S. Le: Yes, he was our wee furry family member. It’s sad to not see him around. I just assumed he would live forever. Thank you for your sympathies.

      Jean: Thank you for your prayer. It’s tough, but it will get easier over time.

      Sharon: Thanks for commenting and sharing with me your story about Sassy. I have cried hard myself and miss him so much. I know it will get easier, it just takes time. Thanks for your prayers.

  5. I’m sorry to hear of Bodie’s passing.

    Life is but a beautiful dream … and when the time comes it’s not easy to wake up, but all things have to. It’s just hard for the other lives still dreaming.

    note: that’s a haunting, but appropriate song.

  6. planetross: Thank you very much for the encouraging comment. I didn’t think it was haunting, just a reminder that everything passes on, even pets.

  7. I think that you did the right thing. He lived a long happy life and he just got old. There is nothing we can do about it and it was a good thing to ease his suffering.
    Take care.

  8. Nadezhda: Thank you for the thoughtful comment. It was a hard decision but the best one for him.
    We miss him still. Thanks again.

  9. Oh Tammy.. God bless you. I am so very sorry for your loss, sorry I hadn’t read this sooner. I pray for your peace. I know all about that ache – it pains me just thinking about it.

    I’m so glad you were with him as he lay dying. There is something so special about that horrible time. Neither of you will ever forget it. I held my first dog as he lay dying, and I swore I would never let another animal suffer the way he had. I’ve kept my word.

    There will never be another Bodie. Anyone who has loved a pet that deeply knows. People will laugh at me, I don’t care, but I know Bodie is waiting in heaven for you. God wouldn’t give such love and never allow you to feel it again. Take care, Tammy. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Rest in peace, Bodie. You were a good dog and a beloved friend. Many thanks to God for your long life.

  10. Hope things are looking up. Been thinking of you, sending happy thoughts!

    • Christy, your comments were so thoughtful and caring. It helps when others understand your loss and you do. (((thank you))). I was glad to have spent that last night with Bodie. He was my baby and he needed me. We are moving on, but it’s lonely and we miss him very much. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

      I hope to write another post soon. I have some interesting things to write about, it’s just hard finding the time to sit and put it all together. I’ve been so consumed with finishing up my son’s school year. Like any teacher this time of year, I’m swamped!

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