Dear tesserae readers,
March 17, 2010, was the hardest day for me. We had to put our dog, Bodie, to sleep. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do. The hours leading up to that fateful morning were heartbreaking. In the end, it wasn’t just the pancreatitis that made us decide to put him down, but the grand mal seizures he started having throughout Tuesday night and into Wednesday morning. There were at least 2 per hour. Even if he wanted to recover from the pancreatitis, the seizures weren’t going to allow it. It was clearly time for him to go.
It has been difficult these past few days and we are all grieving, especially me. I miss him more than anything. I desperately wanted him to get better so I could have another good day with him. My last hours with Bodie were like caring for someone in their final hours, he was dying and it wasn’t pretty. As I stayed up with him throughout the night, a song popped into my head. It came out of nowhere and it let me know it was time. The song is “Asleep” by The Smiths. The seizures were painful to watch, but we had to wait until the morning to take him to the Vet. It was only right that we take him to the Vet who had cared for him. I didn’t want a stranger putting him to sleep.
All of my memories of him are at our old house, which I miss tremendously. After he broke his leg here at the new house back in October, he never was able to get around and enjoy being outside. Most of his time here was spent recovering from his broken leg. His leg healed up in January and he began to learn how to walk on what I called his gimp leg. He was doing well, and finally back to his old self. His only problem had been going up steps and walking around in the snow. Then, he took ill a couple of weeks ago and he started going downhill. Bodie just never had a chance to fully call this place his home.
If any of you are dog lovers (or not), and have been in my shoes (or have not), and can sympathize with me, I want to say “thanks”. Just please don’t suggest that I get another dog. I’ve had people already say that to me and I take it offensively. It’s like telling a woman who has had a miscarriage that she can try again. I don’t have any intentions to adopt another dog. Bodie was the best dog I could ever have and I really don’t want to own another one after him.
With that said, I’ll be away for a while. I’m not sure how long, but I need to take a break. I’m just very sad now and I don’t know how or when things will get easier for me. Thanks to everyone for reading my posts and commenting. I’m really thankful I have a few readers who are interested in my humdrum life. If you think about it, say a prayer for me.