Choices and life

When I was a child, I never thought about what my life would be like.  I didn’t have a care in the world, as they say.

As a teenager and young adult, I lived in the moment, never thinking about where my life was going.  Sure I made plans and had goals, but back then it was easy to live day by day.

Now, almost half-way through my life (should I live to be 90),  I have come to the realization that the decisions and choices I have made leading up to today have carved out my life.  In many ways, the life I have has been chosen for me, either from intentional or unintentional choices.

Unlike the days of our youth, the freedoms to plan and create aren’t there as we grow into adulthood.  Our choices become limited.  Not only that, but we are not “of our own” anymore.  Rather, we live to affect the people around us by the choices we make.  They are at our mercy, so to speak.

My grandmother will turn 90 years old this Saturday.  I know she’s made many choices in her lifetime.  Most of those were self-sacrificing ones. 

I guess those are always the best choices to make. 

Winter sunset

sunset…..evening and night

by Ritty Patnaik

the sun,
clad in fiery orange, russet
returned, with glee
to be home,
behind the mountains.
whispered, to the trees,
serene mountains,
and the tired breeze,
to rest awhile!
and to the flowing stream,
to have a peaceful night!

the valley
prepared itself to sleep,
in the crisp lightness
of a winter evening.
the butterflies
had sauntered home,
the cacophony, and drill,
of the chirpy birds,
was missing in the field,
and the trees,
with a final rustle,
settled for the night,
peace prevailed,
sun went down,
it was dusk.

the ink of darkness,
got merged
in the ethereal black
of the darkened sky.

creating an aura of silence,
and a color stain,
in the black beauty,
of the night.
some dark feelings
ignited in the mind,
some dark memories,
frisked the heart

I wondered
from where did they come?

as the mountain, the streams,
all went to sleep,
in the lap,
of mother nature.

Wishing everyone a peaceful and blessed holiday season.

Merry Christmas!

The bucket list

Photo from here

A bucket list.

What exactly is a bucket list, anyway?  Basically, it’s a list of things you want to do before you die or “kick the bucket.” How many people actually sit down to compose such a thing?  Maybe there are people who live out their “bucket list” daily just by doing everything they want to do, regardless.

I admire those types of people. 

There are many things I would like to do or achieve at some point in my life. I know I’m not getting any younger, but most of my interests involve physical achievements.  My mind is there, but I need to be motivated more to get my body on board.

What if I wrote a bucket list?

I think I’ll give it a try.

Tammy’s bucket list:

1. Run a marathon.  I’m the one who reads a copy of Runner’s World magazine at the doctor’s office.  I’m not a runner; although, I’d like to be.  I almost started training back during the summer.  Instead of buying a good pair of running shoes, I invested in a month to work in a pottery studio – no regrets there.  I have always admired those ”13.1″ stickers on the backs of peoples cars.  Anyone can be dishonest and stick one on their car,  I want to earn mine.

2. Go on a bike tour.   I envy the cyclists I pass on the road.  They are normally out on beautiful, sunny days.  I think, “I should be doing that, not going to the grocery store.”  I want to gear up and hop on an aluminum frame bike and go where they are going.

3. Swim like an Olympian.  Okay, maybe not swim that well, but I would love to have more endurance.  I love to watch swimmers glide through the water and make it look effortless.  My swimming ability is mediocre, but I think I could survive and not drown if I were in that situation.  I was never taught how to dive, either.  Is it too late for a 40 year old to learn to dive?

4.  Travel and backpack throughout parts of Europe.  I knew a mother and daughter who did that, and it sounded like such an amazing adventure.  They rode trains, stayed in cheap lofts and cooked their daily rations in their kitchenette.   They were able to experience more by living simply (eating mostly beans) and sticking to the rural country areas, rather than the busy touristy cities.  Wow!  I could definitely do that!

5.  Visit the caves in Lascaux, France.  The caves are famous for their paleolithic cave paintings.  My ceramics professor visited those caves in the early 90′s.  After he returned, he was a changed man.  He even had his license plate personalized with the word “LASCAUX”.  I admired my ceramics professor so much. I think if I visited the Lascaux caves, I would have a life altering experience, as well.  Doesn’t everyone desire something monumental in their life?

So, there you have it - my bucket list. My dreams to be challenge physically, travel through Europe, and experience something life changing.

How I will go about pursuing any of this is beyond me, but at least I can say I now have a bucket list.

The story of Biscuit

A true (and lengthy) story about a dog who found his family.

I have never believed in reincarnation, nor have I ever given much thought to whether there are angels on earth; though, I believe there is a heaven.   Some people often find comfort in claiming that a loved one who has passed on is watching over them from heaven.  I have had loved ones to pass on, and to me they are just…gone.  They are remembered, missed and loved dearly but gone.  One in particular was our family dog, Bodie.

Bodie has been gone now for over a year and a half.  I often think about him and miss him, but my longing for him has never made me want another dog.  Since April, my son and I have been volunteering weekly at the local humane society, and not even one dog has tugged at my heart-strings so I would take him/her home.  My position was I didn’t want another dog.  What I would rather have, was another Bodie, but that would never EVER be possible.  That is, until Biscuit came along.

One Thursday, my husband and I were sitting outside on our swing enjoying the cool evening of the early fall.  Hearing some steps, my husband turned around expecting to see our son walking towards us.  Instead, it was a dog - small, but stout with a floppy ear.  The dog cheerfully walked up to Daniel and begged to be petted.  He was sweet and friendly without any timidness.  Then, he scampered over to me and jumped up on the swing and sat down beside me.  He stared straight ahead allowing me to see only his profile.  Immediately, I saw Bodie.  It was in his eyes, though they were brown, but not as dark brown as Bodie’s were.  Also, it was the shape of his head and his snout.  Daniel also noticed the resemblance, except for the ears and his coloring, his ears were smaller and his coat smoother – a cream color.  His body style was very similar to Bodie’s.  We jokingly referred to him as our Bodie angel.

We suspected that he belonged to someone up the street and that he had gotten out.  After a few minutes of petting the dog, we decided it was time to walk him back home, wherever that was.  The people at the first house we stopped at told us that he had been roaming the neighborhood for a couple of weeks, but that they saw him regularly at a house at the end of the street.   We walked the dog to that house and as we approached the porch, the dog acted like he was at “home”.  A lady came to the door and told us he wasn’t her dog, but that she had been feeding him and basically giving him a place to “crash.”  He either slept in a chair on her porch or would enter her doggie door and sleep in her garage.  She continued to tell us that she had made a few attempts to find the owner, but no one came forward.  She already had a dog and wasn’t in a position to take in another one.  Upon hearing that the dog didn’t belong to anyone, my husband asked her if we could take him off her hands.  She said sure, and let us take the food that was on the porch that was obviously his, and we walked back home with him.

All I kept thinking was that someone must be missing their dog.  He was such a sweet dog, he’s got to belong to someone.  He had a home, somewhere.  In the meantime, I couldn’t allow this dog (unneutered at that) to continue to roam the streets.  Besides, what would the people at the humane society think of me?

We prepared a place for him to stay in our garage.  Bodie’s dog basket had been put away and we got it down along with his old bowls.  There were some old towels and throw rugs that Bodie slept on and we put those in the basket.  I put the food in Bodie’s metal food bowl and the dog began to eat.  He sounded like Bodie eating.  Daniel and I just looked at each other and listened to the familiar sound.  Then he drank from the water bowl, and the rhythm from the sound he made as he lapped up the water even sounded like Bodie’s drinking.  He walked over and got in Bodie’s basket, rearranged the towels with his paws, and then lied down – just like Bodie.

There we were with this dog, a dog that looked and acted like Bodie, yet wasn’t quite like him.  He had his own personality, especially with his one floppy ear, but there were too many similarities.  All of this was definitely strange. 

Daniel and I needed another opinion, and we called our son downstairs to see the dog.  As the dog walked around the garage and jumped up for attention, our son  also noticed the resemblance to Bodie.  Ian became so excited and pleaded for us to keep him.  Daniel felt the same way, but I was reluctant.  “Someone out there has lost this dog, ” I said,  “Someone might be looking for him.  How could someone just let this sweet dog go?”

The dog did well in our basement overnight.  We expected to see a disaster by the morning, but he was house broken thank goodness!  When we greeted him in the basket, he wagged his tail vigorously, and then rolled over on his back so we could scratch his belly -  just like Bodie.

My husband walked him and I went to work on the computer, making flyers and posting ”FOUND DOG” on several websites, including the local county animal shelter.  Daniel later took the flyers around to some local businesses to display.  He also took the dog to our vet to ask if they were aware of anyone looking for him.

That entire day, the dog did so well with us, and we did well with him, too.  Having a dog seemed second nature, and the fact that he was so much like Bodie fascinated us.  But we couldn’t get comfortable with having him around.  I was certain it was only a matter of time before we’d hear from his owners.

Later that evening, a lady called about the dog.  She had seen his flyer at the Post Office.  She even emailed me a picture she had of the dog and it was, indeed, the dog in my garage.  After we confirmed that we were dealing with the same dog, she began to tell me more about him.

One rainy September evening, the lady and her granddaughter were on their way church. Driving along a busy four-lane road, they watched the dog get thrown out of a truck.  The driver then kicked the dog and drove away.  After witnessing such a horrible scene, the lady couldn’t leave the dog there all alone.  She and her granddaughter got out of the car to get him, and drove on to church with a wet and frightened dog.  Once at church, she asked a woman, who was a veterinarian, to come out to her car and examine the dog. ( That vet just so happens to be our veterinarian.)  The vet looked him over and said he was about a year old, a lab mix, and didn’t appear to have any injuries.  She mentioned he was such a friendly dog, especially to have been tragically abandoned.  That night, the lady took the dog home with her.

A few days later, the lady found a family who expressed interest in taking in the dog.  That family lived in the same town as us.  The lady called the family on a few occasions to ask how the dog was doing.  The mother would say the dog was fine, but made excuses for why the lady and her granddaughter couldn’t come by to visit the dog.  Now knowing that I had the dog and that he been roaming in my neighborhood for at least two weeks, the lady realized the mother had been lying to her the whole time.  The lady proposed that I keep the dog.  She did not want him going back to that family since they were not only neglectful, but liars.  And God-forbid the man jerk who cruelly abandoned him come forward to claim him!  Of course, I didn’t want the dog to go back into the hands of such unworthy people.

After listening to her story, which I believed to be true, I realized that this poor dog didn’t have a home.  At one time, someone had indeed loved him.  He behaves well, is easy to train, desires much attention, and even walks obediently on a leash.  I shared with the lady our story, how the dog approached us the day before, and how he resembled and behaved like our Bodie who passed away.  The dog was like an angel of our Bodie with his cream-colored body and lively self; he was Bodie with a new youthful body.  She believed that it was meant-to-be that we keep the dog, this dog found us for a reason.  Maybe so.

We debated over a name for the dog.  The lady who rescued him on the busy four-lane road called him Marley. The lady at the end of the street who allowed him to crash at her house called him Buddy.  Those two names weren’t options for us because we have close relatives who have dogs with those names.   Ian suggested Bono or Elvis (I’m not sure why.)  Daniel suggested Charlie, but I couldn’t warm up to it.  With his cream or biscuit colored coat, I was leaning towards Biscuit.

So, we decided on Biscuit, not only for his coloring, but as a tribute to Bodie because he loved to eat dog treats that we called…

Biscuits

The Versatile Blogger Award

A couple of weeks ago, I was awarded The Versatile Blogger Award.  Many thanks to The Daily Dish for choosing my blog to be worthy of this award.  I guess I have to admit that I don’t have a reoccurring theme, I write about anything.   Being versatile can be a good thing.

The rules of ‘The Versy’ require I reveal 7 unknown facts about myself.  This was a tough task for me.  Seven unknown facts?  Can it just be three or four?  To help me get started, I asked my husband and son what they would say if they had to tell someone else about me.  Even they had trouble coming up with seven.  My son said that I am nice and I cook his favorite foods.  Hmmm.  Thanks, but that’s not what I was looking for.  Then, my husband said I am frugal, focused, follow things through, and I have sensitive teeth.  Uh- all facts, but he didn’t help either.  Besides, I’m certain I’ve written about those facts here on my blog.

After much thinking, I came up with 7 Unknown Facts.  Some are personal and some are not, but here goes:

1. Many people have a disorder, disease or illness.  Well, I have mine, too. It’s called Mixed Connective Tissue Disease.  And if that isn’t enough, add Raynaud’s Phenomenon and rheumatoid arthritis  to make it more interesting.  It all sounds very serious and in many ways it is, or was in my case.  Thankfully, my “ism” (as I call it) doesn’t afflict me anymore, but the MCTD lets me know it is still around by showing up in my blood work.  The Raynaud’s is milder in my older years than when I was younger, and the RA is in remission (as long as I stay on my medication and exercise.)

I was diagnosed at age 18 and had no problems throughout my young adult life as long as I took my meds.  Shortly after getting married in 1995, I stopped my meds to get pregnant and stayed off them throughout my childbearing years.  All the while, the RA progressed and I lived in constant debilitating pain from the inflammation that attacked my body – for 13 excruciating years! Yeah, it was really awful!  While I tried other medications that were “safer” to use during pregnancy, they either weren’t effective or I was allergic. By my late 30′s, my hands and wrists were already moderately damaged by the inflammation.  When my 8 year-old son had to help me tie my shoes,  I knew I needed to consider my present quality of  life and my future.  In 2007, I made the heart-wrenching decision to give up on having another child so I could go back on my medication, Plaquenil.   This medication gave me back my life! After taking it for several months,  the inflammation disappeared and the pain was gone.  Being pain-free was remarkable and liberating, yet it was foreign to me.  So foreign that it took me and entire year to get use to living daily without pain.  My mind and body had been conditioned to live and function within so many boundaries.  Finally, my abilities were limitless.  I could do anything with ease, open jars, pick up baskets, and shake someone’s hand without any dread.  Certain things are not so easy, such as yoga, but I make modifications.  Being able to throw clay on the potter’s wheel again was a major accomplishment.  After years of thinking I could never use my hands again, I could finally say that I beat it.  As one can imagine, getting my health back was a triumphant period.

2. I have a high tolerance for pain. (see above).

3. I am an only child and the last person to carry on my dad’s family name.  Makes me wish I had given my maiden name to my son.

4. We have a new dog.  I swore I’d never have another dog after our Bodie died in March 2010.  Here’s the thing…we didn’t go looking for this dog, he came looking for us. Literally. Look for a post soon about our new doggie, Biscuit.  He is heaven-sent!

5. Greek culture and all things Greek fascinate me.  I love Greek food, Greek art, Greek architecture, and ancient Greece. OPA!  I think Greek people are the most attractive people in the world. I wish I was Greek. I even considered converting to Greek Orthodox, but some of their beliefs were…complicated.

6.  All my shoes are either brown or black. My flip-flops are brown or black.  Even my slippers are black.  I have a pair of green Columbia canvas shoes, and I hardly ever wear them.  When I wear them my feet feel “loud”.  Weird, I know.

7. I hate canned green peas. Actually, hate isn’t a strong enough word, I loathe canned green peas.  They make me sick just to smell them. My husband loves them and will eat them right out of the can.  YUCK! If I must eat green peas, I can only tolerate fresh ones that are sparsely scattered in a salad.  But if they are cooked and mushy – NO WAY!

There it is!  Seven unknown facts about me.   But wait, it isn’t over.

The rules of ‘The Versy’ state that I must pass the award on to 5 other bloggers. This part is easy as my place in the blogoshpere is kind of small. Chances are if you read my blog regularly or occasionally, you are very likely a winner.

Good in Parts…“S. Le” is a quirky British librarian worker who enjoys drinking coffee. She writes about her home, family, cats, work, food, and anything in between.  I admire her bravery to name her children, Art Major, Benny the Troll, and Cute Daughter.  She is so clever and unusual!

Jean Has Been Shopping Jean blogs about her family, their awesome vacations, and makes Photoshopping look so easy.  Her vlogs are fun to watch, too.  I just know hanging out and shopping with Jean would be an adventure.

I Am The Cheese  Planetross is a Canadian living in Japan who is gifted with creatively using words and wordplay in his posts.  He never ceases to amaze me with the combinations of words he uses.  His writing (usually accompanied by a single photograph) will motivate you to think of things you never would have thought.  Planetross was right when he said, “I’m not trying to make people think … I’m trying to make people think like me. hee hee!”

The Girl from the Ghetto.  All I can say is this girl from the ghetto rocks!  Not only does she read a gazillion books in an entire month, but she devotes time to write an excellent review.  Amazing!  Her reviews are so fantastic, she encourages even me to read, and I read two to three books annually at best!   Please, someone give this woman a job to write book reviews!  GG is also up on the latest in pop-culture, television, and my favorite – reality show celebrities.

Aarti Paarti Aarti Sequeira’s food blog and cooking videos were popular before she won The Next Food Network Star.  I enjoy watching her cooking show on Food Network, but I love her more - simply because of her blog.  Her delicious recipes and personal writing style keep me coming back to see what she is doing next. In addition to food, Aarti often writes about life, her husband, and most importantly, God. Her honesty about her Creator is what I admire most about her.  She is so inspiring!

At last, my duties as a Versatile Blogger award winner are fulfilled.

Thanks again for the award, Christy and congrats to all my winners!

Catching up – Pottery unveiled

The summer is almost behind me.  I am anxious to share the awesome experiences we had with our Japanese exchange student this summer.  He went back to Japan over a week ago.  Since then, I have been catching up on things before our school starts back .   Before I write a post sharing the details about our exchangee, I wanted to first follow-up on the results of the pottery I made back in July. 

Beginning at the end of June, I had an opportunity to work in a pottery studio for a month.   This was a big deal to me, as I had not faithfully worked on the wheel in almost 18 years.  I was so excited to begin working on my wheel throwing technique.  Each week (week 1, week 2, week 3, week 4), I wrote a post about my experience and showed some examples of the pots I made.   

In the middle of July, tragedy struck my husband’s family and my priorities were rearranged.   After a week-long set-back, I was able to resume working at the studio.  But by the time my month was over, the excitement I had in the beginning was replaced with  impatience…to finish up my work and move on.  

My pots were glaze fired at the end of July, but I didn’t have any spare time to take photographs.  I finally photographed them today, and I am eager to share the results.  

Three stacking green bowls. 

The inside of the green bowls.

This pot has a salt-buff glaze resulting in a rough texture and an organic look.  It is different, but I like it.  

Pot with spanish red glaze and white glaze overlay.

Small pot with spanish red glaze.

The spanish red glaze over the white glaze on these two pots resembles a soft cappuccino color.

These plates and trays were made from slabs.  The two round plates were molded from a salad plate.  The two rectangular trays on the bottom right were molded from a black foam produce tray.   All have the spanish red glaze.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The imprints on the rim of the plates were made by scratching a fork and pressing the end of an orange juicer.  The imprint on the trays were made with a plastic mesh used for gutters.  

Some of my pots were completely ruined in the glaze firing.  Losing a few  was expected, but most survived and were successful.  I am pleased with the outcome and my overall experience. I can’t complain.  I think I got my money’s worth.

Ratatouille rocks!

Sunday, I happened to be traveling in my car during a broadcast of a radio program about food called The Splendid Table.  Lynne Rossetto Kasper, the program’s hostess, was about to introduce a guest to discuss a rustic French stew called ratatouille. I was familiar with the dish, but I had never eaten it.  This I had to hear.

Francis Lam was the guest and he discussed his special method of making ratatouille.  I wasn’t really intrigued with his method, I don’t have time to stand and stir tomatoes into a jam-like consistency for let’s say, an hour.  However, I was intrigued with making my own ratatouille.  Now to find the best recipe, and of course, one that was easy.

Not only did I find an easy ratatouille recipe,  I also discovered a fabulous website about sustainable cooking, called Sustainable Pantry.com.   I followed the recipe as instructed and combined basil, thyme and marjoram for the mixture of herbes de Provence.  I must boast and add that the marjoram was the kicker!  Definitely glad I used it.

OH MY! It was so delicious! I didn’t know what to expect from a mixture of onions, peppers, tomatoes, eggplant and zucchini, but I never thought it would taste so good!  Perhaps I was just very hungry.  Food often taste better when you are famished.  Regardless, I just had to write about it!

If you are looking for an end-of-the-summer meal, perhaps for a meatless Monday dinner, ratatouille might be a hit. Watch the movie, too. Ratatouille is one of my favorite Pixar films.

But if you have any picky eaters in your family, particularly those who don’t like onions, peppers, eggplant and zucchini, you could get lucky and end up having it all to yourself.  Like me.

The Tesserae turns 3!

Thank you to Teena in Toronto for wishing me a Happy Blogoversary!  That was so very nice of her!  I knew it was coming up, but somehow, I completely forgot all about it.

It is hard for me to believe that I am still blogging after three years.  Time goes by so fast, and yet, there aren’t enough hours in the week to post something…weekly.

I need to get my priorities straight.

For this special blogoversary post, I’ll share something personal that I’ve been interested in for the past two days (perhaps my preoccupation is responsible for missing my blogoversary).

Back in the mid 80′s, someone introduced  The Church to me.  Not the church, but the alternative rock band from Australia.  I listened to them religiously (pun) throughout my school years and college, and in 1990, I finally saw them perform.  Seeing their performance was one of the most amazing moments in my life, one that I have never forgotten.

Just yesterday, I was longing to hear some of their music, but I only had a few of their older songs.  Searching through the Internet, I was able to find a few of their earlier albums, Heyday and Seance. I spent the entire day listening to their older tunes and reminiscing about my youth at the ages of  fourteen and fifteen years old.

While searching for The Church’s music, I came across some concert footage of them on YouTube.  To my astonishment, I found an upload of the EXACT same performance I had attended back 1990!  I was only nineteen years old at the time.  Like I mentioned, those memories of seeing The Church perform have always stayed with me.  Now, to see some of it on YouTube 21 years later…well, it’s one of the most exciting things I have experienced lately.  Thanks to kurt2112, my memories now have a visual reference.  I just hope he doesn’t decide to one day remove those uploads from YouTube.

The video clip is of The Church when they performed in Raleigh, NC.  Their opening number was “Pharaoh”.  I remember that opening so well, and it gives me chills to finally be able to see it again – after all this time.

And OH MY!  Marty Willson-Piper was soooo HOT!  That’s the nineteen year-old Tammy talking. .

My vlog about Shuhei

This past summer, we hosted a Japanese exchange student for four weeks.  His name was Shuhei, a mild-mannered but very unique boy whose favorite colors are black and red and who doesn’t like to eat tomatoes, mushrooms and green peppers.  Back home in Japan, he is the only boy in his family and is a soft tennis champion.  Having him with us for his first homestay was one of the most exciting things we have ever experienced.  He fit right in with us like he was one of our family.  When he left, we were  sad, but he had to go back home to Japan.  One day, we hope to see him again.

We had so much fun with him here that I wanted to share it all.  But sometimes, posts are just difficult to write, especially ones with details and tons of photos.  Then, there’s the issue of finding the time or getting in the mood.   In the end, the blog suffers from yet another post that never was.

An easy solution, or so I thought, would be to do a video blog – a vlog. Christy, at The Daily Dish, did a vlog and gave a tour of her home.  Her post inspired me to go ahead and do a vlog about our time with Shuhei.

That’s what I did today.  The opportunity was there and I made my first vlog!

In addition to the vlog, there are several photos my family and I doing different things with Shuhei.  Please hover over each picture to see the descriptions I’ve added.  But if you really want to hear me, Southern accent and all, my vlog is at the end of the post.  I apologize in advance for the choppy editing, including the missing clip of me about to show two Japanese fans.  Not sure what happened there.  Editing was difficult enough, so that clip will have to stay on the editing room floor.

I promise to do a better job at editing next time.  That is, IF there is a next time.